Bifocles and Contaculon

The Tale of Bifocles and Contaculon</u>
By Nellie Melton


Binoculus, the god of glass, was a lonely god. Being the god of glass, he was fragile in all ways, both physically and emotionally. Since his feelings were often hurt, he was not very well liked, and was visited only by the god of depression and upset, Angstes. One day, when Angstes was supposed to show up to play cards with him, he was nowhere to be found. The truth was, Angstes had become caught up in a web of teenage drama emitting from a high school somewhere, and could not make it to Binoculus’s home.

This made Binoculus very upset, as he knew very well how lonely he was, and he wished dearly that he would one day be able to have a son to keep him company. Magenera, the goddess of giving, heard this, and swooped down to see him. She ended up bearing him a son, who was named Bifocles, the glasses god. Magenera was delighted with this new invention the boy could create, and in her usual giving way, she flew down to Earth and bestowed glasses upon the humans who could hardly see.

Seeing as how there were many humans who could hardly see, the glasses were a hit, and young Bifocles had his work cut out for him. The humans could make the glasses, but they would not aid in vision until Bifocles himself blessed them. Because of Magenera’s need to give the glasses to the humans so early, Bifocles had to spend most of his young life having to fly down to Earth to bless glasses as more and more were made. He hardly ever got to spend time at home, and grew detached from both his father and his mother.

Binoculus didn’t seem to mind this too much, due to the fact that he had Magenera to keep him company. Unfortunately, one day, Magenera was swept off her feet by Bishidon, the god of male beauty, when she had helped him remove a thorn from his amazingly beautiful toe. She left Binoculus and his son, for Bishidon always seemed to have that effect on females, god and mortal alike. With his son never really talking to him, and never really being around, Binoculus once again found himself alone.

He finally was struck with a wonderful idea; if Bifocles could get some help with his job, surely he would have more free time to spend with his father! Teaming up with Magenera’s sister Barbieda, the goddess of plastic, he managed to create Contaculon, god of contact lenses. Contaculon was an artificial being, born in the form of a grown man, and more like an automaton than a human. Despite this, he still seemed to show a bit of emotion here and there. Barbieda did not stay long after that, for she already had Kendulos, god of ambiguity, as her husband.

Binoculus quickly sent Contaculon to help Bifocles with his task, and so the gift of contact lenses were bestowed upon the humans. What Binoculus didn’t count on was that a bitter rivalry would start between them. Since Bifocles had spent a great deal of time on his work, he was very proud of it, and found Contaculon’s intrusion upon his work unforgivable. Contaculon found his brother’s powers to be pointless, and believed that contact lenses were by far superior to glasses. The battles between the two brothers grew so constant that no glasses or contact lenses were able to be made, and they were both evenly matched.

Finally Zaptor, the god of lasers and next door neighbor to Binoculus, was fed up with all of the ruckus they caused in their fighting. He wanted to silence both Bifocles and Contaculon, and to do that, he planned on destroying all of the glasses and contacts in the world. He sent a rain of lasers down upon the Earth, hitting anyone who was wearing glasses or contacts in the eyes in an attempt to blind them. However, it had quite the opposite effect, and each one was cured of their bad vision instead. Both sons found themselves to be far less busy than ever thanks to this gift of laser eye surgery brought to mankind. They finally formed a grudging truce, for they now had a common enemy; Zaptor.

The End